I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
