you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize