yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
