who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
