You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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