the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
