You're completely useless in the revolution.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
