drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
