I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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