you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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