You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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