Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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