Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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