My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
