Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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