and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
