whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
