I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
