I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
