I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
