and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
