Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
