Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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