It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
