i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
