I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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