You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
