when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
