I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
