$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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