??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
