its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
