Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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