why didn't you poke me back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
