did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize