i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
