somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
