i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize