youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
