Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
