Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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