so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
