my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize