If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
