That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
