I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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