Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
zippers are such a cool invention
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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