I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
