im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
