You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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