Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
