Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize