remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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