the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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