hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All the doctor said was why
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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