Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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