i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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