Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize