she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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