I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
