just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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