She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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