he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
