I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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