The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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