Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
