Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
