I will die if light touches me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
