My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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