life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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