found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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