Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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