Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
