I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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