This is not my ceiling
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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