Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
