turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
