wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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