i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
