you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my liver is dry heaving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
