Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize