just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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