He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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