would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
