U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
