I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
