I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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