I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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