I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
