girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
