i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
