I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
