So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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