I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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