I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
