i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
