I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize