I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
