Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
